


Road Less Travelled

by fiftyshadesofgreywarden



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, F/M, Mass Effect 3, Slow Burn, head canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 02:00:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14760482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiftyshadesofgreywarden/pseuds/fiftyshadesofgreywarden
Summary: Fate had a habit of biting Ashley Williams in the butt.With time running out for humanity, the last thing that Ashley Williams expected was to be reunited with one of her 212 squad mate, one James Vega and with it a long buried attraction.Ashley had always found it difficult to keep herself out of hot water, but as the fight against the Reapers returns her to the Normandy and the going gets rougher and rougher, one thing is made very clear to her:Her sister is going to have a field day.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution for the MEBB18! 
> 
> Art work by the lovely EilonwyCousland can be found here: https://masseffectbigbang.wordpress.com/2018/05/26/artwork-for-tba-story/
> 
> What started out as a little head canon that seemed good to fulfil the terms turned into a monster of a ship that I'm still quite eager to explore!

Ashley Williams had stopped believing in fate a long time ago.

Part of it had to do with the Williams curse and part of it was because her faith in God was wavering, even though all she had to do was look out to the stars and know her father was there somewhere. It was easy to cling to that nagging belief after Shepard had died and then miraculously reappeared, sometimes it was easier to believe that the omnipotent God was out there waiting for them and that the Reapers were the ultimate test of faith…but then Ashley would dash those hurtful doubts and be left in a worse place than before.

Then the Reapers had hit Earth and there was no more time to think and no more time to question – Anderson had given her orders and Ashley knew that she would follow them if she had to give up her last breath: get Shepard to the Citadel. Unlike capricious fate, Ashley believed in Shepard – Ashley had seen the horrifying reality of what they were up against and for all of her misgivings in the past, that Shepard would find a way through all this chaos. Believing   Commander Jane Shepard was a hell of a lot different from knowing who she was as a person and Ashley had bluntly told the panicking defence committee when they had realized that all those warnings, all those reports were fact and not elaborate works of coincidence and fiction.

But for the moment, fate had decided that it was Ashley’s turn to be fucked with. Perhaps fate was giving the suffering Commander Shepard brief reprieves and had decided to settle on her. 

First, fate had delivered her back into the company of James Vega; _Lieutenant_ James Vega.

Vega was no longer the green ensign, fresh from training and eager as all hell to prove himself that Ashley remembered on Eden Prime. Just like Ashley was no longer gunnery chief and Dog Squad’s leader; what made him unrecognizable was the experienced soldier that he had become. When he’d rocked up with Shepard, clearly acting as Shepard’s unnecessary guard, Ashley had just looked over the man with the cool indifference of someone that was beneath her in rank.

But then the Reapers had struck and Anderson’s unofficial orders had become official: get away from Earth so they had a fighting chance.

Somehow, they’d pushed through – the Normandy was waiting for them like the shining silver beacon that the frigate was becoming and Ashley had once again become face to face with her former squad mate and Ashley had paused, unsure of what to do or say. What did one say when their home was coming down about them? But then James had flashed a forced smile, punching Ashley lightly on the shoulder as she accepted ammo from a shaking corporeal. His ‘long time, no see, gunny;’ had said everything that the forced expression couldn’t: James Vega had been happy to see her. Both of them reunited on the Normandy, pushing forward on the one mission that mattered: getting Shepard off of Earth.

With Vancouver bowing to the Reaper’s mass destruction and the Normandy fleeing past the Reapers as they pushed on Earth until they cleared atmo and Ashley spared a moment where she stood staring out the port side window of the Normandy. Concerned for her family, Ashley had contacted her mother and her sisters, telling them to get to the Citadel; but with communications down Ashley didn’t know if they’d received her message, or if they were even alive. Instead of dwelling on what ifs – that was a dangerous path to travel down – Ashley turned away from the sickening sight of Earth being invaded.

The SR-2 Normandy was different from the ship that Ashley had served on. Still being retrofitted into a state of the art warship by the Alliance, cables and panels were exposed and it reeked of Cerberus credits and yet, it still felt like coming home. Joker was at the helm, where he should be and after a wary side glance; the acerbic pilot had given her a rare smile that wasn’t sardonic and then had proceeded to introduce her to the ship’s AI. When she’d raised a questioning eyebrow, Joker answered the unvoiced question: ‘it’s _Shepard;_ she likes collecting things and making them hers’.

When the Normandy had made its abrupt departure; the frigate had had a number of tech specialists on board – all part of the team redesigning the specs on the Normandy. Alliance military personnel they may be, but they were no soldiers and Shepard had made a ship-wide announcement that they were headed straight for Mars. What Ashley hadn’t expected was the ping summoning her to the newly installed war room.

After Horizon, after her harsh words to Shepard spoken more from shock and grief than anything else, Ashley had done her best to mend the fence. Shepard with her short cropped, tangled hair pulled back out of her face and dark circles under her eyes nodded to Ashley before turning to the QEC and the image of Liara and their dash for Mars was revealed: information of a prothean artefact that could help them turn the odds on the Reapers was unearthed and held in one of the research facilities there. But the Alliance had lost communications with the base and humanity couldn’t afford to lose the outpost, not with the Reapers barging through the front door.

With their orders from Hackett and Anderson; Ashley somehow found herself falling into that old routine of a couple of years ago – back to the armoury to sort through whatever was left behind when the Alliance had taken command of the ship; sorting and cleaning. It was calming, it was methodical, it was better than sitting doing nothing and dwelling on all the 'what ifs'. 

“Hey Gunny,” said that familiar low voice and Ashley snorted, pushing a stray strand of hair off her cheek and leaving a smear of gun oil in its stead. “Lieutenant commander now, I left ‘gunny’ behind a long time ago” she told Vega, her voice empty. She was tired – they were all tired, scattered reports from Earth were coming in and Ashley hadn’t turned the feed off, even if she did want to tune them all out.

“We shouldn’t have left earth,” ” Vega’s admission was real and hard and it told Ashley that somethings just hadn’t changed.

James Vega had transformed into the soldier that Ashley had seen the potential for and it had also hardened him. James still towered over her and still possessed more muscles than he knew what to do with, though she saw the curve of black peeking out from his shirt –tattoos perhaps? But he was still ignorant to the workings of the galaxy and where priorities lied. Ashley’s talent with training the green marines had been the Alliance’s excuse to keep her grounded and away from the frontlines for all those years and for the first time, she really saw what had always been an empty excuse.

“By leaving earth, we have a greater chance of surviving…a greater chance of beating the Reapers” Ashley’s words echoed Shepard’s because they were true. They weren’t that far out from Mars – four hours at the most and they were all filled with a restless energy.  But in the meeting in the war room, James had objected then, like Ashley knew he would – burning the frustration and anger and grief into words at his superiors. Shepard had stood there as James had snapped at his charge turned Commander and when he had finished, Ashley had stepped in, steering the conversation in the opposite direction. It was like Horizon all over again and Ashley couldn’t blame James for his angry words.

But now, looking at the hurt and anger passing through the soldier that she had shared bruises and laughs with back on Eden Prime, as well as a pesky attraction that was more than just a little man-crush, Ashley set down the firing pin on the pistol that she was working on and laced greasy fingers together.

“If you still trust my judgement, then trust me when I say that you can – should trust Shepard. She’s the best we’ve got in this fight, please believe that.” It wasn’t what James wanted to hear, she could see that, but perhaps he would eventually come to see that. His face twisted with disbelief and grief; he turned on his heel and was gone without another word and Ashley sighed heavily before returning to her work. The call to suit up and begin preparations would come soon and Ashley wanted to have the armoury in a semblance of order before the Normandy landed.

With the Reaper invasion and the scramble for their lives, Ashley would have thought that fate had had its fun for the moment. But then it struck again. 

From the get go their way on Mars was going to be difficult – a dust storm was heading towards the research facility and the buffeting winds that made the Normandy shake as she touched down was enough to send them all back to bed for a week. But James at least seemed to have calmed down. He’d bumped Ashley’s shoulder with his massive arm when she’d stepped past him in the hangar bay and he hadn’t rebuked the playful shove as she had been doing the final checks on a heavily modified M-92 Mantis that Ashley had claimed as hers. The sniper rifle had been stashed in an inconspicuous and non-suspect corner in the Armoury and had likely been missed when the Alliance had swept the ship…though she wasn’t sure how. 

James had given them about half an hour before the storm hit their location and then Cerberus showed up and those doubts that still lingered way back in Ashley’s mind resurfaced, even though through actions alone, Shepard had shown the entire galaxy that she had never worked for the pro-humanity organisation – she had even said so much herself and yet, as they brought down the second group of Cerberus soldiers, it was becoming apparent to them all that there was inside help involved and Ashley hated to sound like a broken record but;

“There’s a shadowy, pro-humanity terrorist organisation here, so I’m gonna ask – you’re not working for Cerberus anymore?” The airlock sealed around them with a loud hiss and Shepard whirled back from the controls. You couldn’t see her face through her helmet but her tone was enough – more than enough.

“Let me be clear, I never worked for them – I worked with them; big difference. I don’t know why they’re here, but we both know that it’s not for good;” her tone was scathing and when the tone sounded that it was safe to remove outside gear, Shepard removed her helmet and all Ashley could was weariness. How many times had Shepard had to justify herself?

“I’m not with them Ash, trust me, please” it was as much as a plea as Ashley had ever heard, even if Shepard had said it with hard conviction and Ashley couldn’t look at the other woman, almost ashamed that even now she still continued to question her.

“I believe you Shepard, I just…” Ashley didn’t know how to describe the lingering doubt or the grief and anger that had consumed her after Shepard’s death and the shock of seeing her alive on Horizon. There was no time to process it, no time to figure it out and Ashley couldn’t bring herself to just fling blind trust and faith about any more like she would have once upon a time.  James stepped in then, reminding Ashley that there was no way that Shepard would have had contact with Cerberus during her time spent on Earth and then shame of some sort settled, deep within Ashley – she couldn’t question it anymore: Cerberus had done the impossible and Shepard had chosen the Alliance.

“I shouldn’t have to explain myself every time, Ash. It’s tiring,” Shepard told her and Ashley nodded. The elevator doors opened and the trio moved inside, nothing like a serious conversation and work to mix the tone of things up. “I know Shepard, I just can’t shake-”

Gunfire in the vents interrupted them – the rest of this conversation would have to wait for a better time, if there ever would be a better time.

Fate it seemed also possessed a savage sense of humour.

From the vent came Liara and with her an onslaught of information – of course, any meeting with Liara was accompanied by information; the asari traded it. But at the archives, Liara was in her true element because it involved the Prothean civilisation.

Fate also delivered to them a race to the archival system itself. Cerberus vs. Alliance; and with the head start that Cerberus had thanks to the Cerberus insider who wasn’t Shepard but one Doctor Eva Core, it meant that as much ground as Ashley and Shepard gained, Cerberus pushed on – always that one extra step ahead.

Cerberus were persistent bastards though and as quickly as they were catching up, Cerberus was pushing ahead and Cerberus was taking the line of depravity and just catapulting far over it. The chase took them further than Ashley thought and then she spotted Eva Core.  It was like a concrete slab and charged straight into her. The air rushed from her lungs, she felt her ribs creak from the force. The pain cracked through Ashley’s body and stumbling, she let out a breathless shout as adrenaline and frequent doses of medigel kept her moving, wheezing as she was. With the incoming storm, radio interference was getting more and more severe.  

 It was sickening – pro-humanity organisation was a convenient label used to excuse terrorism in its most basic form.

One moment, she was shouting into her radio that the culprit was on the run and then the next a crushing weight on her chest, the storm that was sweeping over the red surface was coming at them in with a roar. The overwhelming pain, the struggle just to breathe and someone calling her name as sand scratched across her exposed skin before the crushing black of unconsciousness struck her.


	2. Two

Bright harsh light burned through her eyelids, leaving harsh, red pin pricks of light. With the return of light, came unwelcome throbbing pain. Her tongue was dryer than parchment and when Ashley opened gummy eyes which watered in the harsh light, fighting lethargy and pain; a pitiful grunt of pain escaped her when she shifted automatically onto one side. A not-so-familiar touch on her wrist, warm on her cooled skin had her looking around, nearly fully alert and found James Vega sitting beside, wherever ‘here’ was.

“Welcome back, chica,” it was James and they both knew that James Vega knew better than to call her chica. Calling her ‘gunny’ had been a stretch of respect of command enough as it was, anything else meant her disapproval and such leniency had been her mistake – after James – no _Vega -_ had been transferred out to Fehl Prime, the nicknames had continued with near almost abandon, becoming cruder and cruder and it had been to her detriment when even her own superiors began undermining her before her subordinates. It was a cruel joke that she had been punished for, labelled a ‘hot head’ for fighting back.

It was odd that that was the one thing that Ashley was thinking of when she was lying in a military hospital somewhere after getting beat up by Cerberus. But it had occurred to her that lenience or entertaining the notion that it was a subtle display of affection was what had been the issue all those years before, it wouldn’t happen again. She commanded more respect no than she ever had back in the 212 squad days. 

Ashley’s thoughts were all muddled up; there was an important question that she needed to ask like: ‘where were they?’, ‘Where was Shepard?’ and ‘why was he here?’ but all that came out was a series of unintelligible grunts. Classy, Ashley, just classy. She tried to lift her left hand and the dull ache became a terrible throbbing. James shook his head, telling her that her shoulder had been hit in the crossfire with Cerberus. They were on the Citadel, high-tailing it to the space station even as Ashley was being stabilised in the med bay. Her condition had been critical upon arrival.  Before James could say anything more, Chakwas breezed into view with a relieved smile and welcomed Ashley back to the land of the living. As the doctor scanned her with her omnitool, Chakwas informed Ashley that she was in Huerta Memorial Hospital on the Citadel in the intensive care unit.

Despite how tired and in pain Ashley was, she couldn’t deny that it was good to have the doctor looking after her, though something told her that it was unusual that Karen Chakwas was in a hospital on the Citadel and not on the front lines, she was one of the finest emergency responders in the Alliance, any one of the medical teams on an active war frigate would be so lucky to have her.

It was all good thoughts until Chakwas helped Ashley sit up, gritting her teeth against the newest wave of pain and dizziness that accompanied being prone for so long. It was only as Chakwas drew the curtain to give her privacy as she began to change bloodied bandages that Ashley realized that Vega had slipped out unnoticed. 

Shepard came later; just after Ashley had signed off on a vidcall with her youngest sister; who had sobbed tears of relief and Ashley hadn’t been able to understand hardly any of what her sister had been trying to say to her until she’d stopped crying and began to tut over the damage that she’d taken on Mars. Chakwas had ended the conversation with a dose of the pain blockers that sent Ashley out like a light. Which was when Shepard had arrived and had sat patiently with Ashley, updating her on the progress she’d made on building the Normandy’s crew up from the few civilian tech specialists that were aboard the ship when they had left earth. Finding another XO had been a nightmare apparently. The idle chatter had done the trick of centring Ashley’s thoughts, though anything Ashley said in response was unlikely to be coherent enough. But in her limited memory – Ashley was sure that any coherent words that she mumbled had been the ones that made sense. Or perhaps the memory of Shepard patting her uninjured hand and giving her a small smile was one that her mind had conjured up; there was no real way of knowing. She’d fallen asleep with Shepard still keeping her company and when she’d woken up, there’d been a message from Shepard promising to keep her updated.

It was during Ashley’s recovery in Huerta that fate made its third play, making what was already a trial in patience an ordeal.

Progress was slow – with each step forward, came two gigantic leaps backwards. To Ashley’s relief, her sisters and mother had been in touch. Lynn had been relocated to London, burdened down no doubt with the legalities of war efforts. Their mother had chosen to go with her, which didn’t sit well with Ashley but there wasn’t much she could do about it. Abby also checked in when she could – sending short and sporadic messages from her post on Luna where she was documenting the Reaper’s destruction, because someone had to broadcast to the rest of the galaxy what they were doing. Sarah was the cause for most worry though; even though Ashley knew that all her sisters were more than capable of looking after themselves, Sarah refused to leave her home until her husband had returned from wherever he had been deployed before she would even set foot onto a transport to the Citadel. While they all knew that Sarah was fully aware of what could happen to her husband or to any one of her sisters, Ashley believed her youngest sister was being the reluctant fool. A fool Sarah may be, but a fool who wouldn’t abandon her husband.

Days trickled by, turning into weeks and eventually the bandages were removed, revealing sensitive, pink skin and a barely there, puckered scar on her left shoulder; the only physical reminder of her fractured armour trying to heal Ashley even as she bled out from her injuries sustained in the fight with Cerberus. Chakwas was a beast of a carer though – as soon as she began itching to get out of bed, the doctor had her in physiotherapy – first helping her rebuild the strength to walk and to regain movement in her shoulder.

The weeks blurred together into months, alternating a day in frustration at her progress – or lack thereof and the lack of news coming out of the Normandy. Shepard had only dropped by one other time and they hadn’t spoken about the war effort or the progress of the Normandy’s crew – Ashley had been watching reruns of Blasto and the two women had spent a rare precious few hours binge watching the crime drama and cheering Blasto on. It was nice, comforting even to know that this was a comfortable aspect of their friendship that had somehow survived all the stresses.

Ashley had been receiving sporadic messages from James Vega though. It was mainly complaining about Steve Cortez and a few other crew members on the Normandy and pushing her through the downtime and pain. It was a distraction, to help her push through the exercises that shouldn’t have been so gruelling and hard to complete. Infrequent as each message was – there was only rumours and speculation that one could use to really track the Normandy’s movements…gossip confirmed that the Normandy had delivered the Turian Primarch – Ashley appreciated the company.

But Donnel Udina had other plans for Ashley Williams. The human councillor was a bit of a stick in the mud when it came to Shepard and anyone who ran in Shepard’s circle. Ashley had only come in the range of fire of Udina’s once – during the ruckus that was Shepard’s funeral and the politics game that was being played during that time was enough for Ashley.

Physiotherapy was in full swing for Ashley when Udina came calling. The therapist had been working her legs and Ashley was sweating and swearing it out on the treadmill. Not exactly her finest moment for the councillor of humanity to come for a visit. Her therapist Joanna had turned Udina away with a stern glare, informing him that he would have to wait fifteen minutes. The move had been more for Ashley to compose her sweaty self. Whatever the councillor wanted with Ashley could wait for fifteen more minutes, Joanna informed her with a satisfied smirk.

Udina didn’t waste any time however; he was straight to the point: humanity needed another Spectre. It was the last thing that Ashley had ever thought she would hear from his lips, but there it was: a once in a lifetime opportunity for Ashley to leave her mark for humanity in its greatest time of need. It was an opportunity that should never have come into her hands; the irony wasn’t lost on her at all: for such an offer was made out of desperation for the human race’s survival.

If anything, it simply reminded Ashley that she was stuck in hospital, trying to run when she could barely walk because any progress _was_ progress.

There was a sudden pressing need to talk to Shepard.

Donnel Udina had come to Huerta hoping to leave with another symbol for humanity to cling to as the Reapers methodically decimated everything and  the acceptance was on Ashley’s lips, all she had to do was say one word and it was hers – the title, the privilege and resources that came with it. Along with the crippling responsibility that came with it. It made Ashley pause and it made her insist that she talk to Shepard before any decision was made.

Udina wasn’t happy with that. He was quick to remind Ashley that time that nobody had was running out. Waiting for Shepard’s thoughts and opinions was a luxury that Ashley didn’t have. But Ashley held her ground and when Udina finally left, not with the answer that he so desperately wanted for obvious political gain, but progress was made at least, Ashley sunk into the armchair beside her bed, feeling defeated and dejected.

First, she was Ashley Williams, scorned descendant of [name] Williams; she’d worked her damn arse off to get to where she needed to be – where she deserved to be. If she accepted Udina’s opportunity, she would be Ashley Williams – political pawn. A pawn that was still stuck in the hospital waiting for her body to catch up to where her mind needed her to be.  Even though Chakwas was satisfied with Ashley’s recovery, there is only so much technology could do for her; a harsh reminder whenever she discovered a new limitation in her body’s movements.

That evening as she poked at her tray of food, Ashley sent a message to Shepard.

***                             *                              ***

Shepard never replied to Ashley, not that she had expected a response. News trickling back to the Citadel was getting more and more incredulous. First, the Normandy had swooped in to deliver the new leader of the turian’s to the hierarchy. It went a long way to securing allies for the fight on earth, but still Ashley sat on Udina’s burning proposal. Perhaps Udina thought that Shepard’s victories on Palavan would have spurred her to make a decision – calls from the councillor’s office had been coming for Ashley daily since the Primarch was delivered back to the turians.

Chakwas had cleared Ashley for light duties only; paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork with a helping dose of gym and physiotherapy on the side. But it was a relief to finally leave Huerta; Sarah had come to pick her up from the hospital. It was a not-so-subtle tactic on Ashley’s part but it was also for her benefit as well. Ashley had missed her baby sister and staying with her was much more preferable than cramped Alliance officer housing. 

Not only that, Sarah was worried for her husband. There had been no update on her husband’s fleet or squad in the past few weeks. For Ashley, who regularly went without communication for missions for weeks at a time, it was nothing new, but with the Reapers gaining ground and communications still in scrambles, there was nothing for Sarah to really do but sit at home and worry.

The turning point for Ashley on the decision of becoming a spectre or not was made for her when news trickled through the extranet of events on Tuchunka and the genophage. Shepard had picked up a reporter – Diana Allers – when she’d been on the Citadel last and the reports that Allers made were going to be as accurate as anyone could get it.

Shepard was fighting for unity and Ashley could focus on humanity’s needs. The means to an end would always sting, a heavy reminder that no matter how hard she worked her family’s past would always hinder her true potential. Knowing this stung Ashley’s proud more than she would ever care to admit, but, confined to light work or not Ashley would be useful – she would be _needed_. It would get her out of the gym, where she spent most of her downtime fighting her aching body.

Before she could let any seeds of doubt enter her mind, Ashley swiped sweaty bangs out of her face from the workout that she had just endured and typed out a response to Udina’s daily query of her decision. 

His reply was swift and to the point: she would be initiated in a matter of hours.

From there, it was unending. First Anderson contacted her and then Hackett – already discussing where Ashley would be best placed to utilize her new title. As the conversation continued on, Ashley quickly realized that this was a careful gamble that had played out in their advantage.

Exactly three hours after Ashley had sent away her initial acceptance into the Spectre forces, she found herself at the human embassy in her dress blues with Sarah where Udina met them. The human councillor looked a little worse for the wear since Ashley had last seen him when she was still in Huerta. Dark circles lined his eyes with too little sleep and Ashley’s keen gaze spotted the slight tremble in his hands. If the man wasn’t such a toad who was using her entirely for his own political gain, Ashley would have almost felt sorry for the man.  

Sarah was allowed to stay for the brief yet solemn ceremony. There was too much to do for the proper ceremony, the other councillors were present only for official purposes, there would be no pomp and circumstance today – if ever and it stung to realize that. Yet Ashley kept her shoulders back and her head held high as the words were recited before the other three councillors disappeared from the vidcall, back to aid their own people.

There was relief on Udina’s face as they shook hands and Sarah’s smile was forced, what should have been a prideful and great moment was overshadowed by the hulking threat that was the Reapers and political necessity. But Ashley couldn’t focus too much on that, otherwise the bitterness would continue to seep through her. She would just have to make most of this opportunity, even though Ashley would never be anything else more than a one sentence footnote in the history of the galaxy.  It was also obvious that like his turian, asari and salarian counterparts, Udina had better things to do then stand and make awkward talk with Ashley Williams and her sister. Niceties were made – Ashley thanked Udina again for the opportunity, even though she knew it was Anderson and Hackett that she should be thanking and Udina took a moment to fix her with tired eyes.

“Tomorrow, your part in this fight will truly begin,” Udina dismissed and he was heading towards the office, undoubtedly to address some more pressing concern. Sarah looked at Ashley, eyebrows raised at the display she’d just witnessed and Ashley let out the tired sigh that she had been holding in the whole afternoon.

She celebrated her promotion that night by herself, Sarah had gone out to meet friends and even though Ashley had been invited along, she’d chosen to sit on the couch in her underwear with a bottle of vodka and watching old reruns on the extranet and messaging James Vega.


	3. Three

Ashley’s mind was reeling; her hand was clenching into a fist and then unclenching at her side, just itching to let her index finger brush the trigger on her pistol and shoot _something_. Cerberus was storming the Citadel – hunting down the Council – what was left of it at least. Reports had confirmed that the Salarian councillor had been assassinated by Commander Shepard.

What the actual fuck.

For all of her doubts, Ashley knew without a doubt that that one particular report wasn’t true. But even though she knew this to be fact, Ashley wasn’t exactly in a position to jump up and down with glee that Shepard was back on the Citadel – someone who was skilled at finding order in absolute chaos. Despite all of this, duty still dictated that she treat Shepard and her team as dangerous individuals – the order to shoot on sight had been given. Udina was shouting in her ear, Shepard had lowered her gun and so had Vega – heaven forbid. Garrus though had adopted a position that was halfway between rest and jumping into a fight guns blazing.

“Shepard is indoctrinated, she is the traitor!” Udina insisted again, but Shepard had just holstered her gun and held her hands out in surrender with a beseeching, ‘trust me’ and Ashley just looked back at Udina and then back at Shepard.

What the actual fuck.

This all came back to all those months ago when two days into being a spectre had been naught but paperwork and physiotherapy. Ashley had been saddled with the paperwork that pertained to Shepard’s movements in the Terminus systems, as well as her outlandish requisition lists that were border-line comical. She’d chalked it up to when Shepard had been wearing Cerberus banner; but that was easy to push aside when other concerning things came across her desk.

Her first assignment had happened when Ashley had found herself brought into a conference call with Hackett and a number of other Alliance admirals and higher up personnel that Ashley knew by face value only. Reaper indoctrination was running rampant on earth – their government was left in tatters after incidents had resulted in the prime minister’s death leaving the Alliance to scramble to put together a show of control, whilst these leaders were replaced. Indoctrination was nigh undetectable until it was way too late, but with someone looking in the right places perhaps, just perhaps they would be able to stop another attack.

That had been the hope in any case amongst the brass and that was where Ashley came in. There was Intel flying about of ciphers to the reaper code; something the Alliance desperately needed to crack the communication between the sentient machines and to even rat out any indoctrinated officials. Whilst it wasn’t the type of work that got the blood pumping for a decorated soldier, it was definitely one up on what Ashley had been doing.

The inquest was slow to start, it had taken some weeks before the data had started to come in and once it started, it didn’t stop. First Ashley had a VI to sort through all the data, then, when she’d begun to pin point persons of interest she’d assigned specific VI’s to that person’s correspondence in particular – she’d provided the Alliance and the spectre office with more information then she had ever thought she could do.

One night Ashley hadn’t been able to sleep. She’d tossed and turned until she’d gotten out of bed for a stiffer drink that would hopefully put her back to sleep. Perhaps she’d just slept enough those past months but her thoughts where whirling in her mind, flitting from thoughts of her sisters to earth, to dwelling on the Normandy’s location and then her concerns for her sisters and her mother, concerns for James Vega. Somehow that hulk of a man had managed to near permanently insert himself into her thoughts. They’d still been emailing each other sporadically, ribbing her on her induction into the spectres, updates on the Normandy and her crew, asking after her own recovery…she’d taken the time to carefully reply to one such email and almost immediately her omnitool had pinged twice in reply. The first message was congratulating her on being a spectre and the second, telling her that defying the odds by pulling a Shepard was almost certainly on the cards for her. Enough time had passed that Ashley knew that the messages were out of place – something was wrong, then she spotted the attachment on the second message and knew that it wasn’t James trying to communicate with her, but Shepard; something was very wrong.

That one message seemed to have brought the journey full circle.

It was Shepard’s tip that had had her place a VI monitoring Donnel Udina’s communications for going on months, trawling through correspondence after correspondence and trying to make sense of the haphazardness of it all. But Udina was nothing if not a clever man and had covered his tracks just well enough that no one would have seen this alliance with Cerberus or the plan that came with it: to seize control from the Council and secure the allies that earth and the Alliance so desperately needed. Udina had played them all and her tip off was staring straight back at her.

Shepard was speaking in a low voice, as if she were placating an irate varren and Udina was still shouting of Shepard’s treason and it ignited a fury within Ashley that she didn’t know she still possessed, it would be her choice in this moment, Udina standing there was a gun brandished to the asari councillors head, Shepard’s hands lowered with her rifle holstered; talking a strange brand of sense that didn’t help the confusion at all.

Her pistol fired as Udina lunged at the asari councillor, the bullet hit it’s intended target and Ashley’s decision was made.

Udina’s lifeless body dropped to the tiled floor and Ashley was all business – her first priority was to secure the remaining, surviving members of the Council.  She’d done the right thing, hadn’t she? Was she going to face a court marital like Shepard had? Instinct told her that her actions were the right ones, but still she questioned – if anything Udina had been right – her position was just one of the many that had been needed for machinations out of her control to progress…she hadn’t earned the title of Spectre, not like Shepard had, she was just the convenient figure that had the tools that Udina had needed to pull off his coup.

Only after the remaining council members and diplomats had been evacuated from the Citadel and reinforcements to drive Cerberus back from their failed takeover did Ashley return to Alliance command. There were reports to be started, damage control needed to be taken almost immediately; she’d handed over her information to the salarians' and with the headway that Ashley had made were able to uncover the depths of Udina’s deception.

Then she found herself in another familiar situation; a conference call with Hackett, but this time with Shepard standing next to her. She’d winked when Ashley had been greeted by the admiral. Shepard needed another person on the Normandy and she wanted Ashley, the last thing that Ashley had ever expected to hear. 

Ashley sighed. How wrong she had been about Shepard. Turning her back and allowing her misgivings to reign her judgment – it was all coming back to bite her once more on the ass...harder than ever before. Getting the hell away from the Citadel was a wise choice,  both women knew that – but Ashley didn’t want to return to the Normandy unwanted and uninvited and her Spectre status meant that the brass couldn’t order her onto the ship. Not that it would stop them trying if that was what they really wanted.  

“If we work together, we will achieve more than working separately,” Ashley looked up from where she had been staring at a panel on the wall to find Shepard’s hand outstretched towards her. The two women shook hands, the firm handshake was more than just an agreement for their next steps forward. 

Thus, Ashley returned to the Normandy.

The Normandy had evolved yet again since that brief six hours Ashley had spent on it all those months ago. Shepard had managed to splice together a crew that made the frigate and whilst the functionality on the ship had gotten much better now that the civilian engineers who had so rudely been whisked off of earth had been reassigned once the Normandy had reached the Citadel, there were still some odd jobs that were overseen with no XO to point everyone in the right direction. Accustomed now to hunching over a backlog of paperwork and with no deployment ground-side, Ashley split her time pushing through the requisition forms and organising the mess that the Normandy was calling an armoury. When she wasn’t there, she’d found an out of way spot to hole up in the starboard lounge.

Mainly though Ashley kept to herself, occasionally joining Vega in the cargo hold to continue her exercises.

Where James Vega had been happy to see her, Garrus wasn’t. Ashley had run into the turian in the mess and after Ashley had gotten over the surprise of finding the turian on board the Normandy once more, an awkward tension had set in. The last time they had seen one another had been on Horizon, tempers and emotions were running high and added to the mix was being confronted with a not-so-dead Shepard. Words had been said that Ashley had later regretted and judging from Garrus’ stance, he considered Ashley unwelcome on the Normandy.

A thought crossed Ashley’s mind that perhaps beating some sense into Garrus was the way to go, but before she could decide if she was going to challenge Garrus over his grievance’s with her through an old fashioned bout of fisticuffs; overhead a cool female voice chimed:  Garrus Vakarian, Commander Shepard requires you on the bridge” and both Ashley and Garrus startled at the interruption by the ship’s AI.

Of course Shepard had been watching from the bridge, like she had anticipated this moment and she probably had. A bristling Garrus grunted at her and Ashley inclined her head, turning to watch him go. Garrus was an honourable turian, but at the moment she wasn’t so sure that he wouldn’t have gone for her back if the opportunity had been presented to him. She sighed and turned on her heel and retreated back to the starboard lounge.

Her omnitool beeping had woken Ashley up, the soft glow of stars lit up the observation deck and it took a moment for Ashley to remember where she was. Checking her ‘tool, Ashley hadn’t expected the deployment notice from Shepard – thirty minutes. Just enough time to plug her nose, swallow an energy bar and get into her armour and if she was lucky, maybe even get some stretching in .

Ashley had come down at the last possible moment, trying to avoid anyone on the way to the hangar, she could just hear the quiet conversation over the hum of the Normandy’s engines – Shepard and Garrus were talking. Ashley wasn’t surprised ,the two were like clockwork in combat, Garrus sticking to the shadows, the crack of his sniper and brief flash of his scope the only indication that he was even present before the shields on an enemy failed and a bullet exited the head of his target. Shepard meanwhile leaped into the heart of battle, her pistol letting off shots even as a mass of biotics devastated the field. Once Ashley had been thrown into that mix and they’d been a team to reckon with. Ashley had taken point, essentially clearing a path with Shepard and Garrus picking off anyone that got in her way. It was a simple and easy tactic; once, it had almost been _fun_.

Ashley couldn’t see that happening any time soon. Still though, she nodded to Garrus and acknowledged Shepard as she moved to her locker and began to pull pieces of ceramic from her locker.

“Now, I’ve taken a detour. So we can let off a bit of steam and get used to how each other works. It’s been some time since all of us worked together, I’m sure we all have new tricks to show off” Shepard was grinning in Ashley’s direction and Ashley rolled her eyes in response. It was at that point that James lumbered into view wiping sleep from his eyes. Wordlessly, he opened his locker and clumsily began to pull his shirt over his head. It was only then that Ashley remembered that it took a few minutes longer than usual for James to truly wake up. But his presence also made Ashley suspect that this little jaunt was more for her and Garrus.

 “I asked James here to join us, just in case we need some muscle.” Ashley didn’t miss the sarcasm either and muttered under her breath as she rolled her eyes like some petulant child. James was built almost like a krogan – in fact, Ashley was certain that if he ever got charged by one, he’d probably still be standing even if he was a little worse for wear. Shaking her head, she unzipped her jacket and held back the shiver as the cooler air in the hangar hit her skin through the thin black mesh suit that she worse under her armour and began strapping herself in.

Cortez dropped them off, the planet they were on was some human outpost – used to bounce communications. The planet was a dead wasteland – little cover was naturally available. Which was probably why Shepard also chose it – they’d have a good view if anything started coming at them from miles away.

Stepping out of the shuttle, Ashley took a deep breath and was about to set off when Vega nudged her with the butt of his rifle. “Just like old times, hey chica?” Ashley couldn’t help but scoff at his words. “You’re just the cannon fodder, remember” she couldn’t help but tease and was met with a shit-eating grin. James turned and walked backwards, so he could face her and Ashley fell into step beside him. “Cannon fodder back in the 212 squad, I’m a little bit useful now at least.” He jerked his head in Shepard’s direction – the commander was mapping something out on the ground with the blade of her omnitool. Despite the good humour, Ashley didn’t miss that little bit of darkness. Ashley hadn’t asked Vega what he’d been up too since they’d last seen each other and he had returned that by not asking her. 

Whatever it was, it had probably been bad.

“Hey if I found a use for you in 212 you’re more than useful now,” Ashley reminded him and James grunted in response. It was easy to reach out with her foot, the tip of her boot catching Vega’s heel  just enough to send him stumbling backwards.

“And I’m pretty sure that I emphasized the importance of keeping an eye on your surroundings.” Ashley told him, taping the sniper rifle on her back before going off to see what Shepard had in mind for them.

Ashley shouldn’t have been surprised at what Shepard had them do: they had to take down the ‘rogue’ bots, using snipers only. After all, the sniper rifle had been Ashley’s specialty even though she was just as mean with a shotgun when the occasion called for it. Shepard had sacrificed some of her VI bots for the sake of this little peace mission that she had embarked on, not that Ashley was complaining. The task was simple enough that they could probably work independently.

Which was how they started, but then the VI that Shepard had undoubtedly programmed began to run much more stealthily.

“Shepard never said that we couldn’t move.” Ashley was the first to speak. Twenty of the bothersome things had been let loose into the area which Shepard had marked for them and judging from the amount of spent ammo that both her and Garrus shared, there weren’t that many left to take out. But they’d grown devious and that was a problem, since Shepard and Vega had disappeared somewhere and they were getting well into the day cycle.

Garrus ignored her, instead adjusting his hold his rifle so he could stretch his neck. 

“What would you suggest?” she hadn’t expected an answer at all. So she suggested the obvious: one of them would bait the bots out into the open and the other would finish take them out. 

Ashley’s new vantage point meant that she was able to clearly watch just what it was that James was doing and she pinged Garrus to alert him of movement. In the meanwhile, Ashley had Vega in her crosshairs, unashamedly watching him work as he bent over the bots and wondering if Shepard would kick her ass for shooting James Vega in the ass for being so careless… _she_ had definitely beat carelessness out of everyone in the squad. It was one of the qualities that the Alliance had liked about her training recruits fresh from basic training.

Her finger slid over the trigger, a wave of recklessness filled Ashley and with a deep exhale, she pulled the trigger. The crack of the rifle echoing around them was the only warning Vega had before the shot sent James to the ground. Garrus’ low chuckle in her ear piece was soon drowned out by pained, furious Spanish; ‘you shot me in the ass!’

Later, Ashley was headed to the armoury when she ran into James coming out of the med bay with the slightest limp to his usually easy gait and Ashley couldn’t help but smirk again. Shepard had asked Ashley to meet her in the CIC and she’d found Garrus guffawing over a data pad that Shepard was showing him. Sometimes helmet cam footage was a god send and Shepard had been in the perfect vantage point to capture Ashley’s harsh reminder to always be vigilant. Someone – Ashley suspected possibly Joker – had even taken the liberty to add in the footage from Ashley’s viewpoint as well; including the peal of laughter after she had taken the shot.

“Bruised butt bone,” James gripped and that was all it took to set Ashley off again.  


	4. Four

There was no rest for the wicked, the little detour that Shepard had made to ease tensions between her crew was on their way to Thessia. Liara at least had been happy to see Ashley – her VI Glyph had been a valuable asset to Ashley’s unending search in rooting out indoctrinated officials. The importance of keeping on top of the information had only been  heightened when Udina had turned against them all in his desperation to give Earth a fighting chance against the Reapers.

The Normandy was making good time, Ashley and Shepard were coordinating the best approach onto Thessia without havening to deal with an onslaught of Reapers. But they spoke too little too soon – the Normandy was one relay jump from entering Asari territory when the alarm shouted and EDI’s cool voice sounded over the com, of a Reaper locking on their position. Even as Joker changed the Normandy’s course and jumped them into FTL, Shepard was ordering the frigate into radio silence. There was nothing any of them could do but sit it out and hope that each relay jump Joker made wouldn’t bring them within striking distance of a vindictive Reaper.

For three days, the Normandy flew dark; playing a deadly game of cat and mouse as Joker tried to get them to the relay. But the Reaper had a convenient position established on the approach – they’d be flambéed alive if they made a blind run for it. Luck however was looking kindly upon the Normandy and her crew, Joker was able to hide the frigate amongst a cluster of asteroids and when the Reaper changed its’ position they had made the mad dash for the relay.

Everyone breathed a little easier after the relay jump that put them back on course to Thessia. With the days waiting out the Reaper that had been stalking them, they had lost time on the asari home world for their objective – contained within the temple of Athame, apparently, housed  a Prothean artefact that would help their end game and they were going into a war zone to extract it. But as they made their approach and the reports started coming in, their rate of success was only mildly more encouraging than the situation humans were facing on earth. The Reapers were making their presence known on Thessia and Ashley stared dumbstruck at the vid footage being displayed in the CIC.

Liara was faring slightly better than any of them had when earth came under attack; but even then Shepard still had to calm the asari down before the commander could issue any further orders.

They were on the shuttle and it was proving a bumpy ride ground side as Cortez was really put through his paces to get the shuttle to the landing zone and dodge the Reapers at the same time. Sitting quietly, Ashley felt the heavy weight of her sniper rifle on her back and the slightly lighter one of the assault rifle that was sitting in her lap; they would join the fight the moment that Cortez got them within range and they could rappel to the ground. Ashley let out a heavy sigh that she was sure no one heard and began her final checks, pausing when a gloved hand quickly touched hers; she let out another sigh and squeezed James Vega’s hand back in thanks.

It was a sheer miracle that they were able to reach the outpost. The asari assigned to guard the temple were weary and had been dealt heavy losses in the seemingly fruitless effort and there was only so much relief that the Normandy ground team could bring given their mission. But for all their scrambling, something wasn’t sitting right with Ashley about the state of Thessia. Perhaps it was an unfounded paranoia, brought on by months of sifting through asari diplomatic correspondence; but a soldier always trusted their gut instinct and Ashley’s gut was saying that the asari knew something they didn’t – that their struggle wasn’t as much as a struggle as it seemed.

But Shepard also seemed to share the same thoughts as Ashley, if for entirely different reasons. Asari reengineered for Reaper purposes was truly terrifying and some intelligent individual had started calling them banshees; an apt moniker if Ashley had ever heard of one. Especially when it was doing it’s damned best to squash them like bothersome flies. With the banshee and the marauders giving them a real challenge in clearing out the outpost, the Normandy ground team gave them hell – and then back up appeared an asari gunship spattering bullets that held the banshee back long enough for them to take it down.

That uneasy feeling continued with Ashley as they pushed on and eventually managed to shoot their way through to the temple of Athame, only to find the team of scientists that they were meant to meet at the outposts scattered about like kingpins; dead, sealed in with military grade shields.

“Shit,”

“Goddess,”

“ _Mierda”_

 _“_ Oh for fuck’s sake”

Shepard really summed up what they were all thinking as they stared at the carnage that had been wrecked inside the temple. Liara was the first to move, directing their attention to an alcove and beginning to talk about the history of the temple. The unease was building the longer that Liara spoke and with the unease came certain dread. Especially as Ashley stared at the artefacts; trying look past the prothean features, even with Liara’s insistence that it was nothing more than coincidence.

She couldn’t shake it though.

James was kneeling by two of the scientists that were splayed by the altar’s base, his omnitool glowing as he scanned for data from the two asari. “Lola, this wasn’t work of the Reapers, they’ve had their throats slit.” That seemed to be all the urging Ashley needed to finally speak up.

“So the temple was sealed with military grade barriers, yet the scientists we were supposed to meet are dead inside and you’re saying that the protheans' have nothing to do with the asari?” Her words were more sarcastic than she intended them to be but luckily for Ashley; Liara was so far down the river of denial that she missed the implications of what Ashley had just suggested. It wasn’t lost on Shepard or James, James muttered something in Spanish under his breath and Shepard was staring up at the towering statue of Athame that not-so-vaguely resembled a prothean.

This whole place was giving Ashley the heebie-jeebies.

“The statue, it’s a prothean beacon!” Liara stuttered at Shepard’s announcement and that only seemed to incense Shepard further. “It’s been here this whole time, no wonder your race is as advanced as it is and even now, the Reapers are here and it’s only now that they show their trump card because it is in their best interests!”

Ashley swore under her breath as that uneasy feeling was realized. There was no way she would have stumbled across what was obviously a government kept secret. Not that that mattered in the grand scheme of things; but it was clear that the asari were just as devious and desperate as Udina was and their gamble on sitting on this secret for how many centuries as they had had almost paid off…perhaps it would have if the Reapers hadn’t come knocking. Liara was stumbling over her words as she could no longer chalk everything down to sheer coincidence.

Shepard activated the beacon because what they had stumbled upon was clearly just an everyday occurrence for Shepard and Liara could no longer question anything when a prothean VI appeared. Their odds weren’t good, when even a VI programmed by an instinct race damned them all – that wasn’t a good sign and yet, Shepard persisted because any hope was a good one. But even then, as the VI recounted the events of the near completion of the Catalyst in the Prothean cycle, of the separatists who were indoctrinated – “that’s fucking familiar” (Ashley couldn’t help but remark) – and then the VI dissolved from its creator’s likeness.

Ashley swore again when Shepard identified the newcomer as Cerberus and kept the agent in her sights. She didn’t expect to see the fabled Illusive Man, nor did she expect the argument that proceeded the Illusive Man’s grand speech of delusion – ally with the Reapers? – James was muttering under his breath again and Ashley could only vaguely place the occasional odd word over the radio, but _loco_ featured prominently.

Maybe they were all a little mad.

Spray of bullets signalled the end of the uneasy, unspoken ceasefire that they had with Cerberus. “Ashley take the ship down” Shepard ordered as rockets launched on the temple and Ashley reacted from instinct alone: find cover and then take the ship down. The temple was coming down around them and  yet Ashley somehow managed to squeeze off a couple shots in attempt to give them some relief as Liara hurled biotic energy around on the ground. The ground was cracked and crumbling around them – Ashley cursed the asari – again.

One minute Shepard was running for the Cerberus agent and the next, she had disappeared with the floor as it disintegrated around her. “Shepard!” she yelled and dived out of cover, running for the spot where Shepard had slipped in between the cracks. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as James kept Cerberus busy, Liara was slumped against one of the pews – they were fighting a losing battle. There was no way she could shield herself, she threw up an arm, which took the brunt of the blow and in the next moment, all the air was beat out of her lungs as she hit a fallen column in the blast. Panting, trying to just keep moving – her injured shoulder was on fire.

And then miraculously, Shepard reappeared, pulling herself out from the gaping floor and running after Cerberus, frantically shooting to stop them. But they all knew there was no point; Cerberus had gotten what they had both come for. James was kneeling beside her, scanning her with his omnitool, undoubtedly checking for serious injuries. “I’m fine,” Ashley told him, her voice hoarse. Her shoulder protested when she attempted to roll it and the soothing coolness of medigel was doing something to numb the pain.

Then the radio crackled to life as asari radioed for aid and Shepard’s voice responded, the ground trembling as still more Reapers landed around them. More radio calls for help and each reply wasn’t heard. It was damning, a true hell that no matter what they did or said – the ground team’s responses wasn’t heard.

“Let’s get out of here, the fight has to go on,” Shepard announced, her voice hollow with unsounded grief.

                                                                                *               *                *

The stars were blurring together into a stream of white light. It should have been a sign that that was enough for one night, but with the stream of white light punctuated by the black, she couldn’t push the cries of help from her mind where they played on an endless loop. Damn her mind to hell. Ashley tipped the near empty bottle that she was drinking from to her lips. Being blind drunk was easier than cold and miserable sobriety. Everyone was feeling the loss and Ashley couldn’t – wouldn’t deal with it just yet.

Hence the second bottle of asari liquor that she was going to attempt to unwrap.

It had seemed like a fitting choice, her first desperate gulps had been in tribute to the soldiers lost on Thessia, then when Ashley had run out of things to toast too, she had settled on emptying the bottle.

The doors in the starboard lounge hissed open just as Ashley groped for the second bottle that was sitting just out of her reach fell over with a harsh clatter as her fingers touched it. She let out a sound of disgusted frustration as her failure to reach the bottle seemed to echo the events of just a few hours ago. She knew they were in FTL, Shepard was determined to take Cerberus down now and that meant cutting the Illusive Man off at his source…whatever that meant.

Holding back the sob that threatened to escape, Ashley dropped her head into her hands an dug her fingernails into her scalp, scratching at the soft flesh there as she struggled to keep a grip on herself. A hand touched her back and Ashley turned, her gaze almost swimming as she focused on James Vega’s form.

“What’s up _chica_?” James asked and Ashley shrugged, pointing at the bottle before leaning back into the couch that she sat on. “I’ve got Tondarian fire and I can’t open it,” she said, as if simply possessing the grog alone was part of an elaborate conspiracy. Better that, then giving voice to the cries and pleading that was playing on loop in her head. Vega settled down next to her and Ashley leaned forward, scooping up the bottle that had bested her so easily and passing it to James to open. Never one to disappoint, Vega easily twisted the cork out of the opening with a soft pop, but didn’t return it when she held out her hand expectantly.

“And what happened to the other bottle?” he asked and Ashley, intoxicated as she was blinked at the man with an almost innocent expression. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she told him nonchalantly and they both knew that she was lying through her teeth, a skill perfected no doubt from the years of living with mischievous sisters and keeping them in line. Shaking his head, he bumped Ashley’s shoulder with his before taking a long swig from the bottle. Only after he had had a good mouthful of liquor did he pass the bottle back to Ashley.

“Shepard announced her game plan to fuck up Cerberus,” he told her and Ashley shrugged. She had heard Shepard’s elaborate announcement and the grim determination in Shepard’s voice and she was all in…and everyone who was on the same boat as Shepard would follow her to hell and back.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to shoot the Illusive Fuckface in the arse too,” she told James and was rewarded with a chuckle for her vehement response. Silence fell between the two of them as they shared the bottle of Tondarian fire; it was nice, calming even that they could just sit together silently and not have to say a word. If anything, it dulled the too fresh memories in her mind.

Or perhaps it was just the booze.

“It will never get easy will it? Leaving people behind?” Ashley eventually asked. Vega shifted so he reclined in his seat, he held out his hand for the bottle of liquor and Ashley obliged. He took a swig from the near empty bottle – perhaps Ashley should have acquired three bottles instead of two – and then shrugged.

“No, but if it saves others than it’s worth it right _chica_?”

Somehow, Ashley found some comfort in that. Perhaps, it was something that needed to be shared with Liara.


	5. Five

She was in the med bay, continuing her physiotherapy with Chakwas and her left shoulder was being a right little bitch. The doctor was pushing her arm into the stretch, the pulling in the weaker muscles oddly pleasant after pushing through the fatigue of the working day. Her omnitool pinged and Ashley ignored it as Chakwas worked on her rotator cuff and first twinges of pain as the doctor moved the joint to the limit made her take controlled breaths of air.

“Keep these sessions going and ensure that you do not over work your shoulder and you’ll regain full mobility.” Chakwas reminded Ashley and Ashley’s jibing reply was muffled by the pillow that supported her head. Chakwas manoeuvred Ashley’s arm over her head before setting it back beside her in the rest position.

“Even though you ignored my recommendations, you are doing quite well,” Chakwas told her as Ashley moved into a sitting position. Her omnitool pinged again and Ashley muted the alerts. Whoever was trying to contact her would have to wait for the moment. At Chakwas’ gesture, Ashley stood up and moved around to the end of the bed. Her omnitool lit up with the alert of another incoming message. Whoever it was, wouldn’t wait – but Ashley could do her balancing exercises and read at the same time.  

It was a notification for soldiers Killed in Action and there was only one person that Ashley knew that would mean she would receive such a thing; Thomas had died. She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat, blinking to keep the prickle of tears from forming – she couldn’t cry, not here and she ached even more to be with her baby sister. Chakwas was speaking to her, but Ashley was staring at the email from her sister. Thomas’ unit had been wiped out by the Reapers in the Voyager cluster – what they were even doing there – in Cerberus dominated space was anyone’s guess. When she’d checked in with Thomas last he’d told her that they were still on Demeter aiding with relief efforts.

For the sake of Sarah, Ashley didn’t want to know why those orders had changed.

She needed to get back to the Citadel to be with her sister. Her omnitool was pinging with alerts – from Lynn and Abby. Lynn and their mother had left earth as soon as the notification had come through and Abby had been granted leave. That her immediate family was finally headed to the Citadel, where there was some measure of security and safety settled Ashley somewhat, it just wasn’t enough for the moment. They were in the heart of the Terminus Systems, playing dodge the Reaper as the Normandy made headway towards Omega.  

“Ashley? What happened?” Chakwas voice cut through the rush of thoughts and she looked up the doctor. “My brother in law was killed, his entire unit was wiped out,” it sounded final when she said it and Ashley bowed her head as she leaned against the bed. “My youngest sister’s husband – they were on their honeymoon when the Reapers hit.”

Chakwas shook her head and the silence said more than words really could in the moment. After all, there wasn’t much that could be said, it was the nature of war.  The death tolls were rising higher and higher the longer they fought the Reapers. Chakwas touched her shoulder and Ashley nodded, it was shock, she told herself and nothing more than that. She would go to bed tonight and sleep and when the day cycle began anew she would get out of bed and head to the mess for watered down coffee before commencing her work day.

Chakwas was sitting at her desk, a figure of solidarity. Giving Ashley the space she didn’t realize she needed.

Ashley stood, grabbing her shirt – she needed to do something. Her omnitool was still lighting up with correspondence from her sisters. They were asking her to come back to the Citadel, but she couldn’t do anything without discussing it with Shepard – sure she was a Spectre, able to do as she wished, but at the end of the day she was on a higher ranking officer’s ship and some of the bitterness at her situation briefly returned. There would be a memorial service and Ashley wanted to be there – needed to be there, for Sarah if nothing else.

“Thank you, Chakwas,” Ashley murmured, the doors to the med bay hissing open. “If you need to talk, I’m here.” Ashley  nodded and continued on her way.

Everyone on the Normandy knew that there was a supply of booze, supplied by the Commander herself. Shepard teased them all with ‘command hath it’s privileges’; but Ashley hadn’t missed the obvious wink when it had been brought up in conversation. She figured that this was an exception to the unspoken rule of drinking only when the Commander allowed it.

Ashley left the shutters in the starboard lounge closed. She didn’t want to look at the black of space, even at FTL when all the stars became brightly coloured streaks of light. Sprawled out on the lounge, loosening the button on her fatigue pants, Ashley stared at the inconspicuous off-brand bottle of whiskey that she had procured, her thoughts turning back to Eden Prime of all places.

There had been no time to mourn her unit – to mourn Dog Squad. It had been a shitfight from the moment the geth had fired on them and all of 212 knew that they were fighting a losing battle and then when Ashley had been the only one left standing, playing a precarious game of cat and mouse and running out of heat sinks and bullets when Shepard and Alenko had come swooping in.

Then she’d gotten to the Citadel, where she’d been sent to see a psych – because of course, she was the lone survivor of the unit that had been wiped out by the geth.

Of all the shit that had spewed out of Donkey’s mouth, ‘luck is for the lonely’ was one of the smartest things that he had ever said to her and all through the race against Saren, Shepard’s death and resurrection…there had been no chance to just stop and take a moment. Donkey’s words had been a comfort and now it just seemed like a dire prediction. Fate was still fucking with them all.

The golden amber whiskey seemed a sure bet though. The burn at the back of her throat when she swallowed was grounding.

Joking had only gotten them so far.

Ashley was still staring at the bottle, held up to the overhead light to see the different tones of gold in the liquid when the door hissed open. “I thought you were with Chakwas,” Ashley didn’t bother to hide the bottle when James announced his presence. She took another swig and grimaced instead.

“I was let off easy today, she’s happy with my recovery.” Vega sat down, leaning over to lightly poke at the discoloured and uneven skin on her exposed back. Cerberus had done a real number on her that was for sure. “Real luck there, eh?”

There it was again, _luck_. Ashley’s attending doctors at Huerta had said it enough times to make her really despise her recovery. How lucky she was to be walking, how lucky she was to be alive – the comments were near endless, meant to lift her up – when if anything she hated how slow her body took to heal itself.

“Do you ever think about 212 – back before all this shit started?” her question was sudden, but not unexpected.

“Do you mean, do I think back to a squad leader who used to keep my over eager, green ass in line?” James asked in answer to her question. Ashley shrugged and sniffed, “at least you weren’t a complete waste of space that I had you carry around a pot plant just to prove a point.” James let out a loud peal of laughter.

It was perhaps one of Ashley’s finest moments as squad leader. Some squirt from Argentina, fresh out of basic training had joined them. Ashley had dealt with enough green recruits that she knew a thing about knocking their heads back into the game, but this particular recruit pushed even Ashley’s calm patience that he had when it came with the new guys.

After her squad had failed the most simplistic of training exercises, Ashley had reached the end of her tether and everyone in Dog Squad knew it, except for the squirt from Argentina; who had gone about happy to dish out the blame. Instead of yelling out her frustrations, Ashley had ordered him to stay where he stood and she had returned; after showering and changing her uniform with a potted plant that was native to Eden Prime. The rest of the squad witnessed her order the greenie to bring the plant with him everywhere – simply so the tree could replace the oxygen he was using by being a waste of space.

“You know, the slap on the wrist I got for reprimanding Snuffy was worth it; he thanked me for doing it, before he got shipped out…” Ashley trailed off. Despite the rocky start Ashley had had with the private, their working relationship had ended on a good note.

“It was easier, compared to now. We could have as much training as we liked but it couldn’t prepare us for this,” her lightness had quickly plummeted back into the melancholic mood. “Do you think if we give the Reapers a planet and tell them to carry it with them that they will?” Vega asked Ashley and she couldn’t help but snort. But it was the type of reminder that Ashley needed, instead of letting the fatalistic thoughts take over.

“Hey Vega, thanks” she didn’t say what for; it didn’t need to be explained. James clapped a heavy hand on her knee, another unexpected comfort that she didn’t know she needed. “Thanks for kicking my butt in line all those years ago.”

                                                                                *           *           *

Ashley found Shepard on the flight deck, poking at the galaxy map as she coordinated the approach on Omega space station. Cerberus had seized control of the station and Shepard was lending firepower to the effort to restore control of the station to Aria T’Loak, in return for resources for the war effort. Ashley had no idea when Shepard had met with the deposed pirate queen of Omega but it seemed the famed Matriarch had made a gross error in judgement when she had allowed Cerberus to use the station as a transportation hub.

Shepard was so very eager to continue being a pain in Cerberus ass and as information continued to trickle in from Aria and the gangs of Omega, it seemed like they were going to gearing up for an old fashioned fire fight. Garrus was calling it live target practice, Ashley was calling it sweet revenge and James looked at them both like they’d sprouted extra heads.

“Now Aria is heading the frontal assault on the station, we need to get Garrus back onto the station. Archangel needs his opportunity to say hello to the good General. Garrus said he still has connections to get onto the station, so if we can get you and James on there – you can cover us when we head for Afterlife” Shepard didn’t look up as she handed Ashley a couple of data pads of information.

“After we deal with Omega, I need to go back to the Citadel. My brother in law’s unit was wiped out by the Reapers, my sister wants me there for the memorial service.”  Shepard paused and looked up from her work and for the first time, Ashley caught the shadow of something, despair? 

“I will get transport back to the Citadel and then I can return afterwards.” Ashley had considered her options carefully and had determined that returning to the Normandy from the Citadel would be easiest by using the Spectre resources, transport would be readily available to her from there. Shepard looked back down to yet another data pad and then typed a command into the map and the Normandy’s position appeared and then a heading for the Citadel. Noveria had been a brief detour, a favour to the Salarians and to humanity in the never ending quest to rid the galaxy of Cerberus.

Disabling the Cerberus base defences was easier said than done. Getting back into the thick of things after being out of the count for so long had felt good and when Vega had opened his mouth and suggested they race to see who could shut down their side of the Cerberus base first – Shepard and Ashley versus James and Garrus. It was a gung-ho battle of the sexes, which had managed to take Ashley’s mind off of more detrimental things. If Cerberus’ reach hadn’t extended so far and the circumstances dire as they were, it would have almost been fun.

“Shepard you don’t…” Ashley trailed off when Shepard held up a hand, stopping her for saying anything more. “This is important, you need to be there for your sister. Besides we’re due for a supply run before Omega and I need you to receive the ciphers for Cerberus decryption. A little bit of shore leave will do us all wonders, I think.” Ashley touched Shepard’s elbow, “thank you Shepard, really, thank you,” Shepard smiled then and touched her shoulder.

“Vega will go with you, just in case. Comes highly recommended from the Alliance brass as reliable bodyguard and smartass sounding board,” Shepard told her with a wink and Ash rolled her eyes. “It’s like you think there’ll be retribution waiting for me on Citadel, you shoot a corrupt councillor once and suddenly everyone’s gunning for you” she grumbled and Shepard shrugged.

“Do you think we would be so lucky?” both women traded glances before both shaking their heads. Shepard bumped Ashley’s shoulder and she returned the light bump with her own, “if we can get off the Citadel without having to shoot someone, I’d say that’s a victory,” the lightness of the conversation was replaced with something more serious as Ashley thought. The galaxy map blinked as Joker acknowledged the new heading on the bridge.

“I’m glad I’m here Shepard, coming back to the Normandy felt like coming home,” Ashley told the Commander and Shepard turned back to the galaxy map, the shadows once more appearing in her eyes. “I missed you too Ash, I’m glad you’re on my side.”

                                      


	6. Six

 The Normandy’s airlock hissed open and Ashley stepped onto the Citadel and waited. Waited for a shout, a spatter of gunfire… something that would prove that Shepard and her were wrong, but nothing happened. They were docked at the Citadel for two days, just long enough for some needed downtime, to fill requisitions and what-have-you.   Ashley unconsciously lifted a hand to smooth her hair back, not that there would be a hair out of place when she was dressed more formally, but did she did breathe easier when still nothing had happened for at least the past three minutes.

Wearing Alliance blues always made Ashley feel stiff and unsettled. There were too few occasions where the occasion for blues had been a positive one. She subconsciously poked at her hair again, pinned up into a bun and then smoothed her hands over her skirt. “I didn’t take you for the skirt wearing type of girl, I took you for the muddy fatigues type” James’ voice in her ear made her start and turning smoothly on her heel and Ashley raised a brow. After her conversation with Shepard on the flight deck, Ashley had methodically moved through her duties for the day and that evening, instead of joining everyone in the mess, Ashley had fished out her quarter full whiskey bottle and returned to the lounge.

Vega had joined her once again, opening the conversation with the exact reason why Shepard had asked him to escort her to the docks. She’d looked at him with a frown and then asked him if he had heard from his uncle Emilio and his grandmother.  

Ashley had forgotten how easy it was to be around James Vega and she’d found herself talking about Thomas. Back in the 212 days, they had talked about James’ uncle and his abuela – the only two people decent enough to try and give him a stable upbringing. Ashley had entertained him with stories of her family and spoke about her sisters – mainly Sarah. It was sobering to talk about Thomas, he had been good for Sarah – who had always jumped the gun at everything – a calming influence. Sarah and Thomas were the storybook romance that Ashley enjoyed reading about, whenever she’d found the time to actually sit down and read.

“So, _chica,_ skirt or pants?” James prompted and Ashley blinked at him. She’d never seen James in his blues before and seeing the jacket stretched over muscle made him look oddly boyish like. For some reason Ashley found it highly endearing.

 “Clearly there’s someone in the higher ups that got off in seeing female combat officers fumble about in a constricting tube of fabric,” Vega snorted, trying to keep his humour in check as Cortez stepped up behind him and clapped James on the back and tipping Ashley a wink, Donnelly and Daniels were with him – they were in the shore leave best, with Donnelly wearing a glaring Hawaiian shirt, in case the high spirits and loud exclamations of weren’t evidence enough of an overworked crew being granted precious hours away from duty.

“Maybe we should just throw Donnelly at the Reapers and he can blind them with his shirt,” Ashley muttered, following behind her boisterous crew members. “ _Chica_ you really need to stop dodging my questions,” James pressed as he caught up to her in three quick strides. “I’ll stop dodging your questions when you start asking valid ones,” she retorted and James chuckled again; “how about no pants then?” Ashley called for a transport and ignored him, even though the idea of no pants James was an idea that was more appealing than Ashley would care to admit to herself.

“How about you just get into the transport?” she asked exasperated, as the doors hissed open and she slid inside, making a pointed effort to smooth her skirt over her knees and pointedly ignoring the shit-eating grin on Vega’s handsome face.

It was only as the doors of the transport hissed open did Ashley freeze for a moment; her mother and sisters would want to know who James was and why he was with her. Sarah was going to put two and two together undoubtedly. But there was nothing – they were comrades now, her little crush from all those years ago…

…was still very real and then some.

She swore under her breath and followed after James.

The docks were busy as refugees of all races moved about with some business or another.  It wasn’t hard to find the memorial wall, what Alliance that could attend was there in their blues and Ashley had perfected her ability to single out any one of her sisters in the crowd. Eventually, Ashley   spotted Sarah with Abby. The shortest of her sisters and the only one of the four who sported a mop of auburn hair had her arms around her much taller, younger sister. Completely forgetting about James, Ashley let out a soft ‘oh’ and made for her two sisters, calling out their names as she made for them.

Sarah was all smiles – determined to soldier on when her whole world was falling apart; but the happy demeanour was betrayed by the shaking embrace that Ashley received. They didn’t have long to wait however, before Lynn arrived with their mother who burst into tears at the sight of all four of her children, safe and alive and together; even if it were only for a few days.

The ceremony was brief – Sarah maintained her composure, the slight wobble in her voice the only hint that she wasn’t okay. James had come to stand just a little ways behind Ashley, she had made brief introductions but Sarah was too distracted to realize who James was and Ashley really was living on borrowed time in that sense. Despite that, she couldn’t help but be proud of Sarah; who reminded her father with her hospitality and the genuine smile on her face. Ashley couldn’t even begin to imagine what she was really feeling.

Afterwards, Ashley had planned to spend the rest of the afternoon with her sisters. But when Sarah had pleaded for some time to herself, Ashley used the opportunity to check in at her station at Spectre headquarters. Apart from her assignment of delving for the indoctrinated, Ashley had also taken on items relating to Cerberus. Glyph and the resources that Liara had at her disposal were more than invaluable, especially since Glyph automatically forwarded prompts to her station.

Finished with her check in, Ashley was leaving the offices with her data pads in hand  when she spotted James. Interestingly enough, he was chatting with three asari – diplomats, probably. Leaving the offices would take her right past Vega and his little entourage and Ashley watched with eyebrows raised as one of the asari laid a hand on his bicep and James politely removed it.    

“Vega, I’m headed back to meet with representatives of the press corps?” It wasn’t exactly a lie, since Ashley was returning to meet with her sisters and Ashley had to stifle a laugh at the relieved look he shot her when he turned at her loud greeting. Regretfully, Ashley realized she came a moment too soon, since the three asari were giving the impression that eating him would be more appropriate way to acquire his DNA.

“Not liking the lady attention, Vega?” Ashley couldn’t help but tease when he had finally extracted himself from his admirers. He scoffed putting on airs but then shook his head. “I really am going to meet with my sisters for drinks,” she told him and James shook his head. “If I don’t follow Shepard’s orders to the tee, she’ll have my hide. I’ll let you off with your sisters and then meet you back at the Normandy.”

                                                                                *          *          *  

Sarah stirred the lime in her drink before taking a sip. When the glass lowered and Ashley could see the gleam in her eyes and Ashley knew that she was in for a thorough interrogation, fuelled by the presence of gin and vodka.

“So James Vega, _the_ James.” Of course Sarah would say it like that. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” Ashley commented, matching her sister by stirring her drink before take two gulps, for bravery more than anything else.

“Well you’ve said something by bringing him to meet the family,” Sarah told her and Ashley rolled her eyes, “that’s only because Shepard thought it wise to have someone watching my back,” she told her and Sarah just smiled. “Someone watching your back doesn’t ask if you’re alright and hug you. Besides, we all know that you can handle yourself and James especially knows it, he didn’t have to stay as close as he did. I’m no Alliance but even I know that.” Ashley shook her head and returned to the safety of her drink after ordering another. Sarah was just sitting there, watching her expectantly with her hands clasped together a grin on her face, patiently waiting.

“What does it matter anyway? The James we spoke about doesn’t exist anymore, he’s changed – we all have,” Sarah nodded encouragingly when Ashley shook her head. “Exactly, you’re not his superior anymore, he’s joining the N7 – change is good, mom was playing cards with him, you can’t get much better than that.” Sarah persisted and Ashley just wanted to shake her baby sister for having such optimistic thoughts. It was dangerous to think that way, she couldn’t afford too.

“He had three asari all over him at headquarters – they’re all probably lining up for the chance to procreate with the threat of looming death,” Sarah was stirring her drink with a small smile on her face. “Sis, I love you, but you’re so far up the river of denial that I want a front row seat to watch this unfold.” Ashley’s second drink had arrived and she took a grateful sip.

“Ash, look, I’m telling you – if you were to tell James to sex you on the table, he’d do it,” Ashley snorted and swallowed the rest of her drink. “Can we please change the subject?”

It was some hours later and Ashley had had enough gin that she was pleasantly buzzing, even though she knew she shouldn’t be. Wandering back to the Normandy, she’d pulled her dress shoes off – they always rubbed her ankles wrong, it was nice to just relish the quiet of the night cycle. After logging back in to the Normandy, Ashley didn’t bother getting changed – she headed straight for the lounge and was surprised to find Vega in there.  

“Thank you, for hanging around today. It means a lot,” Ashley told him as she dropped beside James. He winked at her, “I’ve got your back Ash. That couldn’t have been easy at all,” she nodded as she undid the buttons on her jacket, pushing it open.

“I prefer neither” Ashley finally answered James’ question from earlier. “Neither?” James asked and Ashley grinned at him, “the pants or skirt? I prefer neither” it took a moment for James to catch up and when he did, Ashley saw the heated glance he gave her and Ashley decided that was enough for one night. “Good night James,”

“Good night, _carino”._ The nickname stuck out and left Ashley cursing that she’d never learnt Spanish – she’d chosen French when it had come to specialising in languages and whilst both French and Spanish shared the same roots, it was different enough that some words were familiar and others stumped her. She  didn’t question him further, she’d find out what it meant tomorrow. 

                                                                         *             *               *

It was well into the Normandy’s evening cycle when Ashley realized how long she’d been working. The council had sent fragments of Reaper code along with a semblance of a cipher. With Liara’s info drone to process information, Ashley had spent a good portion of her day trying to discern what code was what and what was chatter with an incomplete cipher…and trying to find someone out in the known galaxy that had the capabilities to figure it out.

She was running late for the daily spar in the cargo bay. It’d started at Garrus’ suggestion – a healthy outlet to vent stress and a practice very much encouraged aboard turian ships. At first, it’d been a not-so-friendly  opportunity between her and Garrus, now, the tension had all but dissipated between them. It was a relief, Ashley had always liked the former C-Sec officer.

When she arrived in the cargo bay, Garrus was already sitting down – he’d been taken to task by Shepard undoubtedly and was walking away while he still could. Shepard and James were exchanging punches and it seemed; intense words as well. Dropping her bag next to Garrus, Ashley watched Shepard duck under James arm and jab him in the back with her elbow, sending him forwards.

“How angry at the council is Shepard today?” Ashley asked Garrus and the turian chuckled, tapping his scarred mandible. “Well Shepard tried to kick me here a couple of times, she keeps forgetting that I have further reach,” there was a turian equivalent of a smirk there – he’d given as good as he’d got clearly but it still hadn’t been enough. The two watched Shepard and James exchange blows and words, judging by the furrowed brow and the force in which James was striking Shepard, but she didn’t falter and struck back, one fist striking off his cheek and the other following up with an insulting jab that caused James to stumble back with a bloodied nose for his efforts and Shepard was rewarded with a kick to the back of her knee – but somehow she kept advancing onwards.

Their conversation was getting louder and each attempted hit was getting harder and harder.

Mars, they were talking about Mars.

Ashley had never asked for the details; as far as she was concerned, Cerberus was the culprit that had resulted in her being critically injured on the field and now the Normandy’s artificial intelligence walked around wearing the unit but that was neither here nor there. But Shepard was chastising James, that they were lucky they had all gotten out alive. Garrus and Ashley traded glances as Shepard gained the upper hand.

Ashley had never seen James Vega lose his cool; but she saw it when Shepard was able to use James’ bulk against him to flip him over her shoulder and slam him into the unforgiving floor. But Shepard was Shepard and she never taught a lesson without ending it on a positive note. They’d all been subjected to it at one point in time; it was just James’ bad luck that she had used a suplex to strike that point home.

Shepard helped Vega up. “I warmed him up for you Ash,” Shepard greeted the other woman cheerily. Her hair was damp and perspiration dotted her forehead – throwing James about had been more effort than she had made it seem. James had wiped at his bloody nose, leaving a slight smear of red and he was rubbing his left elbow.

“We don’t have to continue,” Ashley offered and Shepard shook her head. “Vega just had a reality check and needs to let out some anger. Especially after I just took Jimjam’s ass to task,” James was muttering in Spanish and Ashley looked from Shepard who was grinning pleasantly and then back to James. When there was no confirmation from her would be sparring partner, Ashley shook her head and kept up with her pre-sparring routine of rolling her stiff shoulder to help loosen the muscles.

“C’mon Garrus, let’s get something to eat,” Shepard nudged the turian and Ashley turned to James, looking at him expectantly. James shrugged and gestured to the space that had been clear. “Night Ash, Vega,” Shepard waved and Ashley tipped a mock salute accompanied with James’ “catch ya Scars, Lola”

Shepard had a lot of nicknames and not all of them were appropriate ones. Ashley had heard a majority of them, but somehow calling her Lola didn’t seem to fit at all, though Scars fit Garrus perfectly. Bringing up the topic of nicknames seemed to be a much safer bet than asking about Mars, it didn’t seem like the right time, for the moment at least.

“Why do you call Shepard, ‘Lola’?” James shrugged and then began rolling his shoulders. Ashley stood opposite him, jumping lightly on the spot. “Sometimes the name doesn’t fit the person, Lola is just Shepard’s.” he responded and sat back in his heels; waiting for Ashley to make the first move. She cracked her neck and knuckles instead.

“You wound me James, I was ‘gunny’ for how many years? And Shepard gets something cute first go,” she was only teasing and the slow punch to the gut was meant to emphasise that fact. Instead, James grabbed her fist and pulled her in, trying to enclose her into a headlock – game on. The two struggled when Ashley stomped on his foot with all her strength, following with another jab to the gut. She heard the whoosh of air leave James’ lungs as she whirled around and moved into defensive positioning as James delivered blow after blow.

“Guess you’re the exception the rule, _carino_ ” James huffed as he went to grab her and Ashley took the opportunity to jab at his right side but she wasn’t quick enough to dodge the low blow to just above her right knee in retaliation.  Ashley moved back and swiped sweaty hair strands out of her line of vision and looked at him expectantly.

“I’m a little heartbroken, not gonna lie,” she was still teasing. But James was looking at her, his chest heaving from effort, his nose had stopped bleeding but there was still the slight smear of blood from earlier and Ashley could see the blank bands of ink that crossed over his chest and down his arm through his damp shirt. James stepped forward his fist swinging forward, determined and they locked arms, struggling to get the upper hand over the other. It was sheer luck that Ashley was able to get James feet out from underneath him and he dropped like a stone.

“So?” she prompted, leaning over him, pretty chuffed with herself for managing to get the one up on James for once. James had sharp reflexes however and was quick to knock behind her knees, sending Ashley careening forward. James Vega’s hard chest broke her fall, knocking her breath out of her lungs and before she could retaliate, had pinned her with his knee and arms. Immediately, Ashley began to buck her hips and kick her legs out in attempt to get free; but James was looking at her with that same unreadable expression.

“ _Quieta mami, tranquila”_ he murmured to her. He was heavy, hot  and Ashley’s heart had relocated to her throat; it was useless to try and tame that burning attraction for James Vega, regardless of how they got to where they were in this very moment, Ashley very much wanted him to lean closer to her, to continue whispering in Spanish in her ear, his hands tightening around her wrists…

Instead, she twisted out of his hold, using his weight against him.

It was an old martial arts move, using the weight of a larger opponent to gain the upper hand. Sliding her leg out from in between James’, Ashley managed to get James arm wrapped around his neck and her legs wrapped around his arm. All it would take was the slightest bit of pressure and the air supply would be cut off for him. But she didn’t go that far.

She only let up when James tapped out, having a fleeting moment of wanting to wrap her legs around other areas of James Vega’s body rather than just his arm. She helped him up with a tense nod, unsure of what to say and in a shared, silence charged with what could only sexual tension, they towelled off and Ashley pulled on a sweater until she could get to the shower.

“James, whatever you did on Mars, it probably saved my life. I’m thankful for that,” her quiet voice seemed to echo over the background noise. It wasn’t meant to be a consolation, just fact. No soldier got used to seeing a comrade hurt. James was standing too close, a hand coming up to brush sweat soaked bangs out of her face and a thumb brushing her cheek bone. Ashley let out a shaky breath when his thumb paused on her chin. One of them had stepped closer to the other, his chest was brushing hers and his thumb was still brushing her chin.

“You were always an exception, Ash,”


	7. Seven

Ashley had reached that floating stage of intoxication where she was just ready to curl up in a comfortable bed, hugging her bottle of liquor and riding out the blissful haze until sleep claimed her. But the bunks on the Normandy  never were the right level of comfort and she’d wandered the empty corridors long enough that Ashley had finally just picked a spot and slid to the floor. With the wall against her back, Ashley stared at the half empty bottle in hand. Before sleep could truly claim her, Ashley felt a calloused hand brush her hair off of her face and then strong arms lifted her off of the cold and sterile floor of the Normandy. It was James fucking Vega, it was always James and mumbling unintelligible words, she curled up in James’ comfortable arms, sneaking an arm under his to wrap around his broad back and with her head pillowed on his chest. Like this, she could almost just let go of everything and truly relax, but Ashley didn’t. There really was no point.

When James set her down, Ashley opened bleary eyes – the portside lounge – James had laid her down so carefully that it was only the awkward movement of untangling her arm from his that had alerted her. “You’ve gotta sleep the booze off and this is the best place to do it, “ Vega told her and Ashley scoffed. “What’s the point when we’re just fightin’ a dying battle?” it was the closest to defeat that Ashley would ever admit, sober or not and the question made Vega pause. 

“Today we fought an indoctrinated mad man who commandeered a pro-human terrorist organisation and practically destroyed everyone who followed his ideas for more power. How are we meant to beat the Reapers if all we’re doing is fighting ourselves?”   Ashley couldn’t but snort again at the ridiculousness of it all. Though the couch did dip and the familiar warmth and smell of James Vega as he sat next to her stopped the too harsh response that sat on Ashley’s tongue. Instead, powered along by drink and not logical thinking, Ashley reached up and rested a hand on James’ knee.

“These things will come back to bite you on the ass, just ask everyone in my family. Heck just ask Shepard,” Ashley’s response was heavy with snark but it couldn’t completely mask the vulnerability that Ashley clearly felt; and like every other thing, James Vega saw through it. His larger hand closed over hers, their fingers lacing easily together and fingers carded through her tangled hair soothingly.

“When this whole thing started, you told me that if I still trusted you then I should trust Shepard. Losing battle or not, we’ve got a chance, even if it’s the smallest one.” Ashley looked up at James, brows furrowed at his words, her vision was swimming but she managed to focus on his profile.

“Have you been talking to my sister? How about you leave the optimistic words to someone else and stick to your guns Mister Muscles,” she told him – eliciting another chuckle from the man beside her.

“Sleep Ash, you’ll feel better in the morning,” and though Ashley sincerely doubted that. The firm squeeze of her hand reassured her that he wasn’t going to leave her alone this time.

Ashley woke up to her the alarm on her omnitool. Her head was pounding and as she groped around for nothing in particular, her precarious positioning on the lounge in the portside lounge sent her falling to the ground in a flurry of blankets. The presence of blankets made Ashley stop and gather her thoughts – but sorting through drunken memories was like trying to sort tangled wool. But James Vega stuck out, he always did.

And he was the one that had fetched Ashley a blanket so she wouldn’t grow cold during the night cycle.  But she still had some time and her head was throbbing, so Ashley decided that staying with her head on the floor was the best option until the second alarm that would send her to the showers went off.  Before she could go back to sleep, the doors hissed open and Ashley moaned.

“Vega sent me here with the huevos ranchos for your hangover,” Shepard announced and Ashley reluctantly sat up to accept the plate that was offered to her when the Commander joined her on the floor. Shifting some blanket over for Shepard, the two spectres began to eat in silence. “Had a rough night?” Shepard asked pointedly, her gaze on the two bottles. Ashley didn’t bat an eyelid, however. “Vega told me that you’ve had a couple of rough nights, not that I didn’t already know. EDI has been practically screaming at me about it,” despite the casual tone, Ashley caught the unspoken question underneath it and chose to ignore it.

“EDI screams?” Shepard chuckled around a mouthful of beans. “EDI is the over protective mother of this operation,” Ashley grinned at that. “And that would make Joker…?” Shepard groaned then – the pilot and commander’s relationship was common knowledge and it was an unspoken given that no one said a thing about it to the brass. “It would make Joker the overprotected son and as the pilot of the Normandy, someone who needs to be protected at all costs…including his love life.” The bubble of laughter escaped before Ashley could quash it and Shepard smiled weakly at the other spectre.

“It’s my fault really, I stupidly referred to the Normandy and her crew as a dysfunctional family after an argument with the Illusive Fuckwit. I think EDI took the sarcasm too literally, especially with the whole ‘Cerberus trying to kill us part.” With a last scrape of her fork, Shepard smiled at Ashley before rolling onto her feet with a slight groan. “Vega is a good man, looks after everyone. But then, you already knew that,” with a wink and those cryptic words, Shepard left Ashley to her pounding head and trying to figure out just what Shepard was trying to tell her.      

                                                                 *                *                  *

Ashley had just resurfaced from the head, hair damp from a much needed shower when the ship-wide announcement was made; they were returning to the Citadel and Shepard was calling for more shore leave. Perhaps they needed to fell a pro-humanity terrorist organisation more often. But the call was enough to ease the aching in her head – she needed to unwind and get her head back in the game. The Normandy was one week out from the Citadel, if everything went according to Shepard’s plan they would be back within the week and Ashley could almost feel the soft comfort of her bed in her tiny room that was in the apartment she shared with her sister.

The idea of sleeping in a proper, non-military issue bed was pure bliss.

With the longer shower that she’d taken that morning, Ashley only had enough time to slip into the mess and procure life-saving coffee before heading to the armoury. After Thessia and subsequently every mission since, Ashley had done the bare minimum needed to keep her gear in good working order and she would be damned that she would waste precious shore leave doing chores she had neglected because she had just wanted to get wasted sooner rather than later.  

Shepard hadn’t hinted at anything as such, but there was a note of finality to this visit to the Citadel. Ashley knew that the fleets were immobilising, Ashley was sure that they weren’t going to be returning – that they were going to continue onwards to Earth; their first and final destination.

The reason for Shepard’s sudden announcement was revealed when they docked. Shepard had organised a party and from the invitation that was sent to her omnitool, it was going to a big one.

                                                                             *                *                *

Liara and Ashley turned up to Shepard’s apartment after one too many pre-party cocktails. All those hours spent together working in relative silence punctured only by Glyph’s queries had forged a special kind of camaraderie between the two females and if anything, their experiences at the destruction of their home-worlds had forged an understanding that was deeper than any disagreement they had had in the past. Ashley hadn’t thought that she would be able to convince the asari to leave her post, but somehow she had – drinks with Liara had certainly been interesting.

Shepard had also invited former crew members that had been aboard the Normandy when it had been flying under Cerberus colours and that’s when Ashley realized that the party wasn’t just for Shepard to see former crewmates, it was to celebrate taking down Cerberus. Jack – a prickly biotic with a big mouth and serious attitude was one of the loudest to cheer when it came to toasting the Illusive Man’s downfall – Ashley decided that she quite liked the biotic.

Shepard was in her element though – it was one of the few times that Ashley had ever seen her relaxed, a drink in hand and seated next to Joker with a hand resting confidently on his knee. Somehow though, she found herself engaged in a discussion of biotics versus physical strength and James Vega – who was capable of being an asshole because he didn’t use his words properly – was practically inferring that biotics were useless.

Kasumi, another remnant of the Cerberus operated Normandy was flitting about, appearing and disappearing when you least expected it. So when the discussion came to its crux – a physical show of strength versus that of biotics, Ashley couldn’t help but mutter to the skilled infiltrator that she needed to impede James’ strength, the guy was capable of many push ups after all.

Ashley watched as Jacob and James began their overrated display of masculinity, masking her amusement by ensuring that she always had a beer in hand. When Kasumi was finally revealed because she had fallen off of James’ back, she couldn’t contain her laughter at the betrayed expression on James face – of course he knew that she had put the thief up to it.

“I could push for hours,” James told her and Ashley raised a brow at him, she hadn’t missed the double entendre at all. “Oh I’m sure, I was just admiring the view”

                                                                   *                 *                *

He was standing close enough Ashley could feel James’ breath on her neck. Their fingers were intertwined at their sides against the wall, hidden in plain sight and her hip bumped his whenever she shifted weight from one foot to another. They were treading on that line that both of them had toed for so long now and Ashley was waiting, just waiting for James Vega to close that last little gap and kiss her. James was stroking her wrist now, trailing his fingers up and down so slowly and so lightly that she let out a soft sigh.

“Ashley, _tú con tantas curvas, y yo sin frenos,_ ” Vega shifted, impossibly moving even closer than before, his lips were so close. “What was that?” Ashley asked, her fingers had trailed up his side and were inching along his belt, dipping underneath the fabric to scrap her nail against skin. James repeated the sentence, his voice softer and huskier than before and Ashley could feel hard muscle underneath her touch. Lips brushed her neck and then again on her cheek, teeth nibbling her ear for the briefest of moments, “you’ve got all those curves and I’ve got no brakes,” he murmured in her ear. Ashley shifted and her breasts brushed against his chest, “say it again,” Ashley told him.

He repeated himself in Spanish once more.

“Are you flirting with me, lieutenant?” Ashley murmured, raking fingernails against soft skin and James’ breath hitched. “You mean that you haven’t succumbed to my devilish charm?” Vega responded with his hand trailing along her waist to circle around her back and another kiss on the neck that made Ashley laugh softly.

“Was that the part where you were flexing your muscles to win a debate?” James chuckled and Ashley was quickly growing tired of this little game. His hand was on her arse and her hand was practically down his pants. If it wasn’t Shepard’s apartment, Ashley was half certain that she would have done something more by this point.

“I have this thing where I don’t take advantage of drunken spectres,” James told her even as the hand on her arse squeezed to belay his point and Ashley toyed with the elastic on James’ underwear.  “It’s not taking advantage when said drunk spectre wants to get into your pants,” Ashley told him, a mischievous glint in her eye as her fingers quested further and encountered coarse hair and soft skin. A flash of doubt entered Ashley’s mind at her forwardness, she was never so bold, but then she caught the hitch of breath – after all, it was Vega who had been laying down the charm, not that he needed too. He never had needed too.

The hand on her arse pulled her in even closer; if that was at all possible, James’s thigh pressing against hers and their lips finally met. Ashley moaned when James nibbled on her lip, their teeth clashing as the kissed turned desperate with want. James moved them both and Ashley was pressed against the hard wall, held in place by James hips pressing against hers, she could feel the bass of the music vibrating through the wall, James was running a hand up her side and Ashley didn’t know when she had hooked a leg around his.

But Ashley always had had standards, even when she was drunk and she never hooked up with someone in a friend’s home. Even if the next day said hosting friend went on an indignant almost pious rant that her home was Ashley’s home.

“You’re so beautiful,” James sighed into her ear when their lips finally parted, “and did I mention that your arse is amazing?” Ashley shook her head and couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her mouth. “How about you tell me all about it back at mine?” Her place wasn’t far, not even a ten minute transport ride and she knew that Sarah wouldn’t be home or long asleep by that point. But she had had enough to drink that her thoughts were a blurry haze, replaced with want for the man that had his arm wrapped around her waist and his lips on her neck.

It was bliss.  


	8. Epilogue

 

With a near blinding flash, the Crucible was activated and  Shepard was gone in a flash of blinding; whatever the Crucible was meant to do had obviously worked, but it had taken Shepard with it. The Reapers were closing in around them and Ashley wasn’t just about to lie down and let them annihilate them all. Everyone knew the Reapers had been gunning for Shepard, but they hadn’t heard of her. Her voice hoarse with grief, she called out to Garrus and then to James. They had to regroup – had to do something that could give Shepard a fighting chance of coming out the other end as maybe just a little worse for wear. Frantically, Ashley searched for something in the debris field that had once been London, something cool touched her shoulder and the throbbing in her shoulder lessened – medigel. With the soothing medical gel came the answer they needed: a helicopter.

Ashley was going to crash it into a Reaper and hopefully that might be the window of opportunity that Shepard could use…if she was still alive.

Pushing past Garrus, Ashley stuck her pistol out of cover and surveyed the area before crawling over to the smoking metal. Surface fire had burned anything cosmetic away and it would be a risk to start the thing, but if Ashley could get it started without blowing herself up…mind made up, she crossed underneath the tail boom and set a critical eye on the exposed engine. Working on her omnitool as she scanned the aircraft.

“Ash, whatever you’re thinking; don’t do it. You’ll get yourself killed.” Ignoring James, Ashley ran a gloved hand along the fuel line…there didn’t appear to be any faults. Continuing on through her mental check list, Ashley crossed to the tail rotor – a little damage but nothing that would impede flight.

“Chica?” Ashley let out the breath that she’d been holding in a low rush of air. “We’re going to play chicken with the Reapers. We need to give Commander Shepard as much of a chance as possible.” James still didn’t move as Ashley finished the cursory inspection of the engine and moved around to the exposed cockpit and hoisted herself up for a closer look at the main rotor blade. “If we do that, we’ll die. There’s a Cannibal not even ten clicks from our position, we need to give Shepard everything we can, but alerting them where we are isn’t the way to do it,” James argued and Ashley jumped down, sitting on the metal frame which once would have housed a cushy seat.

“I’m not arguing with you Vega, get into the helicopter,”  James still wouldn’t have any of it though and he gestured back the way they came. “We head back, we regroup and we wait and then no one dies,” Ashley shook her head, hardly daring to believe what she was hearing right in that moment. Jiggling the key in the ignition – thank god it hadn’t melted in whatever firefight it had gone through – Ashley fixed James with a stern glare.

“I am a soldier and I am not walking away. Get your gun and get in, lieutenant.” Vega stepped forward then, flinging his gun out to bar her access to the controls. “You start this helicopter and you’ll die, _Ashley_.” She scoffed  - in the scheme of things, there was much more to be concerned about – if she died, then she died doing what mattered; she died fighting for her family, for her unborn niece or nephew…she died for humanity. Simply put, it was almost like taking one for the team – sacrifice herself so the others could push on. All these thoughts raced through her mind with a rush of adrenaline.  

“Why does it matter if I live or die?” Ashley demanded and she expected a biting response but instead James Vega stepped back – the gun in his hand dropping to his side, his head shaking as he looked up at her, gobsmacked by her question.  Vega shook his head again and this time he met her gaze; “sometimes I wish I had never met you, Ashley Williams.”

They stared at each other and Ashley knew that all it would take was for her to start the engine and her answer would be given to her – blown to smithereens or alive and able to play chicken with the Reapers. But James’ words stopped her, made her unable to look away from him – he wasn’t speaking to her as a lieutenant overstepping his rank.

He was speaking to her as just James. The idiot who made her laugh by doing chin ups off of the stupidest of things imaginable, who had always bumped her shoulder when they were loading out and she was  stepping into her armour and made her fall over. Who slept with her when she was piss drunk because he knew she didn’t want to be alone and then fed her his abuela’s food the next morning; with that one statement he’d said everything that couldn’t be said because they were in the middle of a battle for their very lives and Ashley would be damned if she wasn’t going to fight for James fucking Vega too.

Ashley  flung herself from the cockpit and James Vega caught her because he always did, she pushed the button for the visor on his helmet, all the while fumbling with hers until she was finally able to kiss him, clumsy as it was. It was the one thing that she hadn’t done when they’d all said their final words to each other.

“Don’t say shit you don’t mean, lieutenant” she rebuked when James pulled her helmet off so he could kiss her properly. He chuckled then, stepping away from the copter and back towards where Garrus was waiting for them. “I won’t deny you your moment to play chicken, but a rogue helicopter isn’t the way to do it.”

The Turian nodded to James and he nodded back and together, the trio made their way back to base.

They never made it. There was no warning and suddenly Ashley was flying through the air. Extreme heat prickling at the battered shields on her armour and then she hit solid ground, dampeners on her suit weren’t enough to stop the air being knocked from her lungs on impact. Reflexes and training took over and Ashley was on her feet despite the harsh bite of pain that flashed through her left leg. Vega was down and slinging her gun around and firing at the Cannibals that had come out of nowhere. “Garrus!” she shouted and heard the crack of his rifle in response. Adrenaline was pumping through her, it was the only way she was able to move and leap as she did, her armour delivering medigel into her system as she moved. James was unmoving on the ground, she could see the blood leaking from a wound in his side – he had taken the brunt of the ambush.

What an idiot. 

Ashley didn’t let up, throwing her pistol aside and scooping up James’ assault rifle and hitting back with a barrage of bullets. She didn’t see the blow coming, just the binding pain. All of this work, they’d all pushed on for so long and it was all for nothing. Shepard was gone – engulfed by the sheer energy of the catalyst. James still wasn’t moving.

The binding white light was the last thing Ashley Williams saw as it engulfed the battle field and finally, she was at peace.


End file.
